Ex-Factor: Bumping into Your "Ex"

By Melissa J. Algranati, staff writer

"I should have worn the white T-shirt," I thought as I found myself eye to eye with my ex-boyfriend and (of course) his new girlfriend. "Hey, what a surprise," I mumbled with an awkward smile. However, in my head I kept wondering, "How am I going to pull this one off?"

Why Care?

Fortunately for me, bumping into my ex one year after our break-up just reaffirmed that there were no lingering feelings of love. Don't get me wrong, he was a stand-up guy and we had a lot of fun. But when I saw him smiling at me I wondered how I ever found him attractive (especially when he has that annoying habit of acting like he knows something I didn't). Two factors threw me for a loop when I bumped into my:

1. The element of surprise. Once you leave high school and head off to two different colleges, you're not supposed to randomly bump into your ex at your college roommate's house.
   
   
2. The ugly monsters of pride and vanity, which dictate that even though you don't love him or want him in your life in a romantic way, you still want him to see you looking "stunning." You forever want him to see you as that great thing in his life that he let get away.

Pulling It Off with Style

Once I reined in the pride monster I realized I had two options:

Option 1: Let the shallow monster control me
Option 2: I could try to "pull it off with style"

Pulling it off with style is:

• Greeting him with a smile and not hiding behind your BF or the large potted plant.
  
  
• Being able to talk, laugh, and joke without allowing yourself to stoop to any petty comments.
  
  
• Not caring too much about the details of who he is with and what they are doing.

Most importantly, it is about being able to end the conversation with a smile and moving on to the next group. (It is easier to pull it off with style if you did not have an ugly break-up and you really ARE over him.)

Moving On

So when you bump into "the ex," strike up a conversation that focuses on the NOW, instead of being tied back in memory lane. Try not to shut out the new girl in his life and include her in the conversation—don't make her feel like a third wheel. And if after all this time you really don't have much to say, have a quick superficial conversation and move on to the next crowd. Who knows who you may meet?