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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
My sister keeps bugging the living daylights out of me. She is mentally retarded and I cannot hit her. What can I do to make her stop?!
—Mena, 17
Dear Mena,
It is not your sister's fault that she is mentally retarded. My uncle is mentally retarded, too, and sometimes, it's hard to be around him. But I still love him. I know that you love your sister, but you can't quite understand why she acts the way she does. Maybe you could ask your mom to explain more about mental retardation, and how to better deal with your sister. You could probably give yourself and her some space when she's annoying you so you can calm down. She has feelings, and if she knows you love her, she will try to obey you when you tell her, for instance, to stop pulling your shirt. Even if she won't listen to you, she might listen to your mom. The best thing to do is to love your sister and try to understand.
—Dr. M
Dear Mena,
I can tell from your letter how frustrated you are, but it's good that you recognize that hitting is not the answer. It is hard to deal with siblings under the best of circumstances—you're together so much of the time, you have to share your parents' attention, etc. But your situation is made more difficult by the fact that your sister needs more attention and probably has trouble doing some things that come so easily to you.
Calling your sister "stupid" tells me how irritating her behavior is to you. Try to remember that she's doing the best that she can, and focus on what she can do rather than what she can't. If you were to ever call her names, like "stupid," you would hurt her deeply, but it's okay to feel angry that you have to deal with a family situation that most other kids don't.
I want you to know that I particularly understand since I grew up with a mentally retarded younger brother who sometimes tore up my school papers or pulled my hair. Although those behaviors bothered me, I never stopped loving him. And, to this day, we share an incredibly strong bond. You might also want to know that my brother is the most important reason that I became a psychologist, and I'm very grateful to him for that.
—Liz
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