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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
I used to have a crush on a boy, but now after being away from him so long, I don't. I don't feel like worrying about getting a boyfriend until later. Now my former crush has joined my school. After the dance, he asked if we could be boyfriend/girlfriend. I asked for some time to think. I really don't want to be disappointed again like I was when I didn't see him. How can I tell him no, without breaking his heart? He seems really serious.
—Alison, 13, Alaska
Dear Alison,
You say you don't want to worry about being in a relationship until later, so tell your crush that. Even if he's serious about wanting a relationship now, you have to consider your own feelings and needs. It seems to me you're not just worried about breaking his heart. Maybe you're also concerned about your heart being broken if your relationship falls apart. That could happen. But always trying to avoid getting hurt may also mean that you're not as open to the possibility of happiness.
—Dr. M
Dear Alison,
You can let him down easy by telling him you're not ready for a boyfriend right now. You wouldn't be lying since you did say you don't want to worry about a boyfriend right now. That way you wouldn't be saying you don't want to date him because you don't like him. See if the two of you can be friends, and then you can still hang out with him without the pressure of a relationship. And who knows—maybe you'll get to know him and change your mind about wanting to be his girlfriend.
—Liz
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