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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
I am a girl with a new boyfriend. This is something I should be happy about, right? Well before I got a boyfriend I told my mom I was gay, which I still am, and the only reason I'm going out with said boy is so my friends won't know. My real problem is that I think I'm falling for one of my friends who is also a girl. I don't know what to do! Please help me!
—Rossy, 15, Pennsylvania
Dear Rossy,
You have two different issues to deal with. First, you're not being fair to your "boyfriend." What happens to him if he develops strong feelings for you? Sounds like you haven't really thought about his perspective. Second, you are not giving your friends a chance to get to know who you really are. Since you've already told your mom that you're gay, ask her to help you tell your friends when you're ready to do that.
—Dr. M
Dear Rossy,
Since you're not really interested in your boyfriend, I don't think you should be going out with him. It's not fair to use him like that, and there are plenty of girls who don't date in high school, so your friends won't suspect that you're gay just because you don't have a boyfriend. Also, you might want to think about why you don't want your friends to know that you're gay. If they are true friends, they will accept you for who you are and won't tell your whole school about it if that's what you want. It's hard to pretend to be someone you're not, especially when it's something big like that.
—Liz
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