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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
I have a guy friend that totally likes me, and we have gone out before. My parents totally hate him because he used to be different. He wants to go back out again, but I do not know if I should. I think that I would like to try again.
—Arielle, 16, Tennessee
Dear Arielle,
You haven't given me a lot of information about your ex-boyfriend, but your parents clearly dislike him because of how he’s acted in the past. You seem to have some concerns, too. A "caution" sign is definitely showing up here. You say: "I do not know if I should." Is that because you're afraid of your parents' reactions or because you still harbor some doubts about this guy? You also say that you "think" you want to try this relationship again. Before you make a decision, have a frank conversation with your parents about why they feel the way they do about this guy, think about whether he is truly different now from how he was before, and examine whether you want to try again because of what he wants or because of what you really want.
—Dr. M
Dear Arielle,
Unless your parents have specifically told you that you are not allowed to date this guy, the decision is ultimately up to you. I think you should follow how you feel, but if you don't feel comfortable dating someone your parents dislike, then there is something you can do. Ask your parents what it is that makes them not like your guy friend. If their reasons don't match up with how he really is, then explain with examples how he's different now. Hopefully your parents will see your side of things, and even if they still aren't particularly fond of your guy friend, at the very least they will see that you have thought a lot about this, that you care about what they think, and that you are mature enough to make your own decisions.
—Liz
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