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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
My dad is overseas and he is finally coming home, but the plane keeps stranding him. I'm getting frustrated plus he has to go back two weeks later. He's missed my birthday three times and he has not been home any longer than a month. He's even going to sign a contract that keeps him in the army another 15 years. I hate this since I never see him and I never get to talk to him. Even when I do actually see him after so long, I know he isn't truly home. What is my problem?
—Sabrina, 13, Kansas
Dear Sabrina,
It's tough to enjoy the times when your dad is around since you know he'll be leaving again soon. Try as hard as you can to focus on the present when your dad is at home so the two of you can have a good time together. Think of some special activities you can do with your dad and take photographs so you'll have those to look at while he's overseas. Also, keep up an email relationship with him, so he knows what's going on in your life, even if he doesn't have much time or opportunity to respond to you. He'd rather not miss your birthday or other special occasions, but being in the army doesn't allow him to choose when he can come home. If you know other kids who have the same kind of family situation as you, talk to them about how they handle the long separations. You might feel better knowing that there are others who truly understand what you're going through.
—Dr. M
Dear Sabrina,
It's completely understandable for you to feel that way. I suggest that you tell your dad how you feel about him "never" being around. Ask him to explain why he wants to be in the army for another 15 years. You probably won't be able to change his decision, but it will hopefully be easier on you when you understand why he's choosing to be away. The conversation with your dad will also help you realize that he does understand how much the situation bothers you.
—Liz
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