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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
My best friend competes with me in everything. Grades, guys, soccer, choir, everything! I still want to be her best friend but she drives me absolutely insane sometimes! I've talked to her about it but it seems like it's gotten worse lately. What do I do?
—Atlee, 14, Alabama
Dear Atlee,
You did the right thing by talking with her. But a one-time conversation is evidently not enough to get your view across. The next time your best friend shows her very competitive side, point it out to her immediately. Don't just tell her to stop competing—let her know what it's doing to your friendship. Have you ever thought about why your best friend competes with you so much? Perhaps, it's because she's not feeling very secure. She might even be afraid that if she doesn't measure up in your eyes, you might just drop her as a friend. As she begins to feel better about herself, her need to compete with you in every sphere of your life might begin to decrease.
—Dr. M
Dear Atlee,
Since you've already tried talking to her, I think the best thing for you to do now is to ignore her behavior. Next time she acts competitively with you, just act like you don't care about it. If your friend doesn't get a reaction out of you when she beats you at something, she might just stop competing.
—Liz
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