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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
My friend dated this guy and then dumped him. Now I'm dating him and our friendship hasn't quite been the same because she still likes him. What should I do?
—Shay, 14, Florida
Dear Shay,
Even though your friend dumped the guy, she still has feelings for him—or maybe she just doesn't want anyone else to get involved with him. You say that your friendship has changed. Think about why that is happening. Are you less likely to confide in your friend because you don't want to hurt her? Do you feel guilty about dating a guy who was involved with your friend? Is your friend avoiding you because of your new relationship? A candid conversation is definitely called for. Remind your friend how important she continues to be to you.
—Dr. M
Dear Shay,
The first thing you should do is talk to your friend to find out exactly how she feels. Maybe it's not just jealousy that's getting in the way of your friendship. She might also feel like you're choosing your boyfriend over her. Let her know that you don't want a guy to come between the two of you. It may seem like you have to decide who is more important to you, but if your friend is a true friend, she won't make you dump your boyfriend for her. Perhaps she just feels awkward talking to you because she still likes this guy. Once everything is out in the open, it will be much easier to make the friendship work without sacrificing your relationship.
—Liz
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