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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
One of my friends keeps lying to me and the rest of my friends. She keeps telling multiple stories to multiple people. Then when we talk, we realize that she has been lying. How can I confront her about her lying without being too harsh?
—Anna, 15, New Jersey
Dear Anna,
Finding out that a friend is lying always causes problems in a friendship. Try to figure out why your friend needs to lie. For example, is she trying to impress you or your other friends? No matter what the reason is, for the sake of the friendship she needs to stop. You're kind to want to confront her in a gentle way. Find a private time to tell her that you're concerned about the fact that she's been telling different stories to different people. State that as a fact. Don't ask her if she lied about a particular situation because she's likely to just dig herself into a bigger lie. Let her know that you want to continue to be her friend and you'll help her as much as you can. Remind her that true friendship is built on trust, and you'd like her to regain everyone's trust.
—Dr. M
Dear Anna,
Next time you catch your friend lying, you should talk to her about it. If you don't want a big confrontation, you can try simply asking her to repeat her story. Say that you heard something a little bit different from another friend and maybe you misunderstood her. You can also say that you noticed this happening at other times too, and give her a chance to explain. Tell her you're not mad; it's just that you don't like her lying and want her to stop.
—Liz
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