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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
One of my friends who I'm really close to likes to copy me. She avoids confrontation about it. I really like her and want to stay friends. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she's a little bit younger than me, and I really want her to have her own unique style. How can I ask her to please not copy me without hurting her feelings?
—Wanna-Be-Me, 13, New York
Dear Wanna-Be-Me,
You made a point of letting us know that the friend who's copying you is younger than you are and that you want her to have her own unique style. Are you concerned about her or about the fact that if she copies your look, you won't be seen as quite as unique as you want to be? You could be flattered that she's copying you. But since it bothers you, volunteer to help her discover a style that works for her. That would probably be fun for both of you, and your friend's appearance might benefit from a few tips from you.
—Dr. M
Dear Wanna-Be-Me,
Since your friend avoids confrontation and you don't want to hurt her feelings, you could try to encourage her to develop her own style instead of telling her to stop copying you. If you go shopping with her, you can suggest some things that would be attractive on her, but that are different from what you wear. Also, whenever she does something that shows her own style instead of copying you, remember to compliment her on it.
—Liz
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