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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
During school I tried out for cheerleading with some of my friends, and I made it but they didn't, so now they hate me. What should I do?
—Jamie, 13, Kansas
Dear Jamie,
You've just been faced with a situation that's bound to be repeated throughout your life. But you won't always be the one who comes out on the winning side. In the cheerleading situation, you made the team and some of your friends didn't. They're probably a little, maybe even a lot, jealous right now. That's natural. Give your friends a little bit of time to get over their disappointment, and be sure to remind them how much you value their friendship. If you can find a way to compliment them on skills that they have but you don't, go for it, but don't do it in a way that looks as if you're feeling sorry for them. And do feel good about making the team—you deserve to enjoy your accomplishment.
—Dr. M
Dear Jamie,
There are different things you can do depending on what cheerleading means at your school. In some places, girls try out just to be popular. If that's the case, your friends might be worried that you'll start hanging out just with the other cheerleaders and forget all about them. Assure your friends that you still want to be friends with them and wouldn't ever give them up to become more popular. When you do hang out with the other cheerleaders, make sure you invite some of your old friends along some of the time. If cheerleading is really about athletic skill at your school, then your friends may be upset because they're now feeling that you're better than them. If that's the case, be sure not to brag. But you can offer to help them get better at cheerleading by teaching them the skills that you're going to learn. Maybe one of them will be selected during the next try-out.
—Liz
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