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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M & Liz,
I have a lot of guy friends, which I've always had, but being in high school has made it harder to keep a friendship with a guy and not have me or him want more than that. Do you have any advice for me to keep just a friendship with a guy?
—Ashley, 15, Colorado
Dear Ashley,
Having a guy friend adds an interesting dimension to your life, and you can turn to him to get the guy's perspective on relationships you're involved in or want to be in. To keep the friendship on a platonic level, make it clear through your words as well as your actions that you don't want the friendship to evolve into a romantic relationship. If the guy has feelings for you that don't seem to be part of a friendship, don't lead him on. Of course, it's flattering that a guy friend is falling for you, but if you lead him down that path and you're not really interested, you're putting yourself in danger of losing a valuable person from your life.
—Dr. M
Dear Ashley,
It's good that you realize that there's a positive part to being "just friends" with guys. You don't want to ruin a good friendship or complicate things. In order to keep your guy friends as friends, make sure you don't flirt with them even if you think that what you're doing is completely innocent. If you think one of your guy friends is already interested in you or the other way around, but you want to keep the relationship on a friendship basis, try, at least for a while, hanging out with that guy in a group. Neither one of you will be tempted.
—Liz
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