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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M,
A friend I've known all through elementary school is going through depression and has in the past year threatened suicide many times. She can't stand half of the teachers, staff, and students. She says she has no real, true friends, no matter how many times I tell her she does and she acts like she has no hope in herself. A lot of our friends have been trying to help her. All of us are going out on a limb to help her, but she keeps pushing us away. I've talked to my parents about her, and they said that I shouldn't let it get to me so much or else it might pull me down. But she is the first real friend I've ever known and the last thing I want to happen is to hear on the news of a teen suicide.
—Emily, 14, Missouri
Dear Emily,
It's so obvious that you are trying desperately to save your friend's life, and you've tried many different strategies, including talking to your parents. If you hadn't already done that, I would have suggested it. It's always a good idea to get an adult involved in a problem that's as serious as the one you're facing. I can understand your parents' reaction—they don't want you to take on your friend's feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration. But you are right not to give up on your friend.
Have you talked to your friend's parents? You don't mention them at all in your letter. If you haven't, do that right away—they need to know that your friend has threatened to commit suicide. If you feel that you cannot go to them, tell a teacher or guidance counselor or other school official about your friend's threats. I'm sure that an adult at school will take action to get your friend the professional help she needs. You might also call a national suicide prevention hotline (1-800-784-2433 is one that operates 24/7) to get advice or give this number to your friend. Local crisis hotline numbers can usually be found in the front of your community's telephone book.
One more important piece of advice, not just for you, Emily, but for anyone else who's dealing with a similar situation: if a friend is suicidal, you may need to take emergency action, and that means calling 911 and not leaving her alone. Always take threats seriously and don't hesitate to act because you're concerned about betraying your friend's confidence. When you get her the help she needs, you're being the best kind of friend.
—Dr. M
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