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Dr. M is the author of five advice books for tweens and teens. Her latest is Where Should I Sit at Lunch? The Ultimate 24/7 Guide to Surviving the High School Years. She enjoys dancing, reading, working out and talking with young people about the issues that concern them. She holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology.
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Liz, a first-year college student, is the co-author of three books: Ask Dr. M and Liz; Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? She loves to dance, paint, make collages, hang out with friends and, of course, give advice.
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Dear Dr. M,
I went on a trip to Florida and seven of my friends from home came with me. We picked my best friend up while we were there. A few of them did not like her and talked about her behind her back. By the end of the night, she was in tears. I have never seen her cry in the seven years I've known her. Well, I'm home now and I see these friends a lot because we're in a group together. I can't seem to get past this. I was very close with these friends, and they always say they would never talk about people behind their backs, and that's just what they did. I'm not mean or rude to them in any way, but I don't trust them anymore. They really hurt me. I'm also not one to tell people how I feel. I usually hide it. I don't like making people upset. How can I get past this?
—Lisa, 15, North Carolina
Dear Lisa,
I bet there are a whole lot of girls reading this column who understand exactly what you're feeling. Here you were hoping that everyone you liked would get along, and then some of your friends turn on someone you care about. To top it off, you're obviously uncomfortable that the whole situation has been left unresolved. You can't get past your feelings because you're annoyed with your friends who were mean and yet you can't bring yourself to calling them on their bad behavior. Hard as it is for you, you need to tell your friends how you feel (and you can do it in a nice way) for two reasons: they need to know that their actions were hurtful, and more important, you'll stay annoyed with yourself if you stay quiet this time. Learning to be assertive, which is what I'm suggesting you do, takes practice, but you'll feel better about yourself if you do.
—Dr. M
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