Dating Violence
By Dana Perry
Chances are your life has been affected in some way by youth violence. Sixty-two percent of kids aged 12-15 think that violence is a 'big problem' for people their age.1 For some, violence is inflicted by a peer, when bullying gets to the extremes. For others, violence can be inflicted by someone who you love and trust, such as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Teen dating violence affects one in three U.S. teens, both girls and boys, and in long-term and short-term relationships.2
Dating violence can take three different forms, similar to the three different forms of child abuse. Dating violence includes an abuser and one who is abused and the violence can be physical, sexual, emotional or a combination of the three.3
Physical abuse includes hitting, slapping, punching, shoving, kicking, biting and hair-pulling. It also includes the use of weapons such as guns or knives to injure or scare a significant other.3 Thirteen percent of teen girls report being physically hurt in a significant relationship.4
Emotional violence includes verbal insults, swearing, and embarrassment of a significant other. Attempting to control a significant other's life by constantly calling to check in or telling them what to do or wear is also considered emotional violence.3 About one quarter of teen girls report being verbally abused by their significant other.4
Sexual violence includes forcing someone to have sex or perform sexual acts. Sexual violence also occurs when a person persuades another to engage in sexual activity while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.2 One in four teenage girls has been pressured to engage in sexual activity while in a significant relationship.4
Dating violence can be difficult to understand, not only because it is typically between people who should love and trust each other, but also because of the nature in which it occurs. A violent relationship typically follows a circular path. First tension will build between those dating; perhaps there will be a number of small verbal fights. These small fights build upon one another until a violent episode occurs, such as the abuser in the relationship kicking or hitting the person being abused. Following the violent episode an abuser usually is very apologetic and will do kind things in order to make up for their actions.2 This does not make the abuse all right. Dating violence is never OK.
No one has the right to make you feel awkward, embarrassed, unsafe or frightened. If this is happening to you or someone you love it is important to do something about it. Violence does not go away, and those who care about each other are not violent towards one another. If you feel comfortable, share your concerns with a close family member such as a parent or older sister. A school counselor, teacher, social worker, Girl Scout volunteer or other trusted adult may also be able to help you. Free hotlines and Web sites that may be helpful are listed below.
By phone: - National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9497
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE; 1-800-799-7233
- National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE; 1-800-656-4673
On the Web: www.loveisrespect.org
www.ndvh.org/help/teen-help.html
www.teenshealth.org
www.teenwire.com
1 Talking With Kids about Tough Issues: A National Survey of Parents and Kids. 2001. Nickelodeon and Talking With Kids
2 National Crime Prevention Council; www.ncpc.org/tcc
3 National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center; 2001, www.safeyouth.org
4 Liz Claiborne Inc. Omnibuzz Topline Findings. Teen Relationship Abuse Research, www.loveisnotabuse.com/statistics.htm
Dana Perry interned for GSUSA during summer 2007. She previously worked as an Outreach Specialist for high-risk youth at Girl Scouts - Pacific Peaks Council in DuPont, Wash.
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